I Am

I am a good person, but have done bad things. Some were carried out with malice, others self-serving. The ones that have cost the most have always been unintentional. 

My heart and soul seem to play host to a war I often lose to self-sabotage. I am all too aware that I am no victim.  

The learning process, that is life, is full of euphoria and it’s exact opposite. Why is it that those two polar enemies always rear their heads so near one another?  

I have no excuse for my behavior in the moments that have led to loss, I’ll never get over. Yes, in some instances there have been contributing factors; Alcohol usually number one. That said, looking at each incident, I give myself no quarter.  
Often, there was a misunderstanding; a comment taken the wrong way, a joke gone awry. None of that matters.  We are all responsible for our own actions. As for reactions, I’m the worst at those.  

All we can do is pick ourselves up off the floor, say a prayer, or 1,000 and hope that Love conquers anger. We must learn from our mistakes. Some of us need a little more loss to realize that the one ingredient in all the heartache is ourself.

I change a little every time I lose a piece of me. Somewhere in the pang in my gut, I get better. I do not expect forgiveness from those I’ve hurt, but I must drop the whip I punish myself with. Only then can I grow. 

Love will win

Me

Sent from my iPhone