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Anticipation

December 27, 2014

Anticipation
It’s 4:23. The alarm isn’t set to go off until 5 and I’ve been up since 3:30. William is asleep in the room adjacent to me and I’m sure sawing timber. Me, no chance of anymore rest. We meet at the barn at 6:10 to load the 4 wheelers and get to the blinds!

Whether its hunting or fishing I’m like this every trip. Giddy with anticipation, I can hear the geese screaming and the Mallards deep distinctive call even now. I can picture the darkness before dawn which will hide the first teal buzz.

While I’d be excited no matter the trip, this morning brings indescribable joy because of the 15 year old in the next room. He’s hunted pheasant, dove and deer. William’s caught speckled trout, redfish, king mackerel, flounder, largemouth and more, but he’s never been in a duck blind.

Never has he heard a rice field full of ducks and geese chatter in the dark. Sensed the rise of a huge group from the water by the sound of simultaneous wing motion. He’ll try to strain his eyes, yet only be able to imagine the birds movement as darkness conceals their flight.

The walk down the levy will be slow and unsure. The light of the flashlight not exactly revealing what is to come next. I’m sure there will be a stuck boot here or there.

The excitement of the slide into the blind will be aided by the boys fascination with what the Labrador retriever is doing; where he’s going to set up. Anticipation will rise for his first call to action.
Once in the blind we’ll load our guns and talk about barrel swing limits and shooting lanes. I’ll ask about his safety for the 500th time of the morning and finally we’ll settle into the silence before shooting time.

The color will start to go from pitch black to soft; from there to gray and hearts will start to pound a little harder. The light will rise just enough. There will be no orange today as the rain is here and the clouds will be low. The sounds that of drops hitting rain jackets. Then out of seemingly nowhere the first group will be on us.

Hard and fast with wings cupped and webbed feet extended beautiful waterfowl will break over our decoys. The words simply, ” Take ‘Em!” Through tears of joy I’ll see that first barrel rise.
God bless nature, this morning and my son. There is nothing more amazing than time with your kids no matter what you are doing; To me the earlier in the morning the better. I guess it’s all about those beginnings.

Thank you Lord for this day, the next moment and all the great moments spent between Father and son in the field. Thank you for this sunrise and these raindrops, thank you for this opportunity. I am a lucky man.

Gotta go, the alarm finally went off.
Will
Sent from my iPhone

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dads, fathers, Fear, life lessons, love, philosophy, your last day

The Ledger

No one who ever asked my dad for help left disappointed. Dad didn’t have much, but knew he had it all. Frankly, whether asked or not he would help those in need. The only thing he didn’t share was where the fish were…

I watched him over a pile of bills many times at the dinning room table, sorting “pay nows” and “float”. He’d sigh as he rose, turn right around and give $100 to someone in a jam.

It didn’t always seem to be the best decision making, but he always did what needed doing. He’d figure out the rest.

Maybe it all traced back to the day he lay dying on a battlefield in Saipan, a bullet hole through his chest. An exit wound, four times the size of the impact point, through his back. I imagine many “if I live” promises being made to the Man upstairs on that day in 1944.

I wonder if “as many children as I can possibly have” was one of those promises:)? Course he’d have to find a Saint to collaborate on that Front. What were the other words uttered? What thoughts flashed through the young Marine’s mind?

I’m certain that going into every battle my father was afraid to die, but he would do what he had to do. Just as strong is my belief that as he lay on rocky ground dying his fear of mortality disappeared. It was in God’s hands. I never met a man more resolute that God has a plan.

Being on the brink can free a person from the shackles that fear battles to enslave us in. The trick is to be able to unlock those restraints without the unwanted kickstart of a bullet through the chest.

Dad was not always right. He was in fact, quite often wrong. Never was there a man more perfectly imperfect. He made the best decisions possible, given the circumstances at hand. Then he acted. Fear could go fuck itself. What I’d give to live like that….

We all make the best decisions we know how. Certainly, we are wrong at least 50% of the time. Let me give you a little tip. Every answer you give and action we take which is based in fear has a much higher probability of being on the debit side of our ledger.

I want to tell you I am, quite assuredly, not able to shirk the ropes of fear anywhere close to 100 % of the time, but I’m getting better! Sure it’s a “do as I say not as I do” thing, however it is solid good dope. Just look back on a few key decisions you’ve made. How’d the ones based in fear work out? What about those made with nothing but confidence? I bet I know the answer.

There were and are many men and women on this earth able to live there lives like each day is the last. Dad had the privilege of walking in those ranks. Each of our worlds would be brighter if we could do the same. Decisions made out of love, respect and consciousness carry the collective strength of the universe as their ally. The makings of a mighty team in my opinion.

Power through your day with confidence. Act decisively with the best intentions. You never know what might happen.

Here’s to you all. Go get some!

Will

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